Today was like any other day. I woke up and started working on my internal to-do list as soon as I finished my coffee. Eat breakfast, take meds, work on songwriting, do chores. I quickly ran out of things to do at 11:30 a.m. Then, my eyes wandered over to my bookshelf where my wedding journal was. I delightfully seized the baby blue book and began eagerly flipping through its contents.
About halfway through, as usual, I started gazing at blank pages regretfully, the ones that I had not bothered to fill. It then dawned on me that I could use my empty schedule to finish filling out my journal. I started writing down details inside the book, and found the hours passing by as I recalled all that I could remember of our wedding day.
Most of the things that I remembered were mishaps and dramatic moments that had plagued me while I was trying not to be stressed. It's interesting to observe what we remember most about events. Someone reading my journal would probably be misinformed, concluding that our entire day was one disaster after another. I also remembered, however, those moments of infinite joy. I mentally recalled the moment I rounded the corner and made eye contact with my grinning and teary-eyed fiancé; sitting silently next to him, anticipating the moment when we would say our vows; and our first dance when everything blurred but his face and we could have been dancing alone for all I cared.
Most days I want to get married again; to relive the happiness I felt on my wedding day each and every day that I am alive. Some people may claim that we should feel that way every day. It's the same with God on the spiritual level. Some people say that we should be infinitely happy every day with Him and never have sorrow or anything else but joy. They say that God just wants us to be happy. My response to that is that if we were that euphoric all the time, would we do anything other than worship? If I was going ga-ga for my husband every moment of every day, would I ever learn to love him? Could I ever know what true sacrifice felt like? Probably not, because it would just come naturally to me.
Where am I going with this? Anyone who has been married for a while would agree that marriage is tough. It's a commitment that lasts a lifetime. I'm not saying my wedding day was fake though, because all days have their appropriate flavor in the meal of life if you know what I mean. I'm saying that our wedding was a beautiful day and I am thankful now that I do not have a wedding every day. I'm glad today that when my husband comes home, I will once again feel the pain of having to let go of my selfishness and love a little. It's in those moments, in my baby steps away from pampering myself, that I slowly change and become more like God. After all, God is love.
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