Catching Up

Hello everyone out there who is reading this blog. It's been a while and I wanted to thank you for following me. It has been a few years since I last wrote anything, but I don't want this blog just to die and be dependent on Google searches to be unearthed. Therefore, I'm changing the role of this site to becoming somewhat of a temporary diary. I am not really a wonderful writer or communicator, and as much as I enjoyed writing this blog, I have run out of steam writing about the Bible.

Don't get me wrong! I still love Jesus! I just have much to say, many stories to tell, and a lot of free time this summer, so I am going to attempt to chronicle my days as they happen (with no daily commitment) from here on out. Not just, "this happened, this happened", but honest-to-God thoughts that I have had about life.

Today, I saw a movie called "Hello, my name is Doris" which is about a woman in her 60's or later that crushes on a 20-something man at work. It's quite awkward to watch and I do not recommend it, but it gave me some food for thought. It made me think about how long I am going to be "young". Do you ever think about that? Do you ever wonder when you're going to start getting wrinkles and start being overlooked by the world? Or do you think about what is it like to be old and forgotten and alone?

Proverbs 31 talks about beauty and how foolish it is to get caught up in it. It says, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." I feel like that is easy to say, but difficult to apply. After I thought about this verse, I stared in the mirror and wondered what my face would look like 50 years from now. I looked at my youthful cheeks and neck, rosy from walking around the house, and pinched them as if to make sure that they were there to stay. Youth feels so permanent, yet I know I'm just like a flower blooming in the springtime, naive to the winter in store. The cold is coming...

And then Ecclesiastes 12:1 says, "Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, "I find no pleasure in them." Isn't that dark? I wonder if I am in "the days of my youth" or the "days of trouble." It certainly already feels like I'm in my days of trouble, but perhaps there's more in store.

I don't know what the purpose of this blog is for, or what exactly I'm going for right now. It's rather mirroring my life to be honest. My purpose seems hazier than it did 10 years ago, a trend that I am hoping to discontinue. Do you ever feel like your mission is lost? Like somehow in the waiting room of life, you were forgotten? What do you do in those times to find it again? I feel like I have no mission. Every day that slips through my fingers seems to be dripping with regret and my heart burns with a desire to find direction.

Perhaps I'm afraid to make a wrong choice; to choose a path that leads to a place that I cannot leave. I'm realizing more and more that the choices we make day-to-day alter our life course significantly. The direction that I decide on is going to lead to specific opportunities that I may not have had otherwise. It could also limit me and lead me down a dark path.
So those are my thoughts for today.