He screams
He shrieks
He punches
He kicks
He claws
He crawls
He is an angel
He is a demon
He is a creature
He is my son
How does one mother an animal
Whose only instinct is to hunt, run, or hide
From terrors that are unclear
It cannot be reasoned with
It will not allow rescuing
It will not hear blessings, only curses
Whose body was built to endure fire and torment
Crossing into his world
Can only stab my chest
As I watch my once-newborn
Mercilessly devoured by searing flames
Under a cruel ruler's order
The beast has had his fill
His mouth drips with the blood of my children
My heart turns to stone as I desire one thing
His punishment
God give him the justice that he deserves
Train him to stop feasting on innocence
And consuming the little hope in my son
That I have toiled for
Monday, September 23, 2019
Thursday, September 5, 2019
Breathwork
A breath
In
Pause
Out
In
Heartbeat
Out
Another thought
In
Out
Emptiness
Can't keep
In
Going like this
Out
To lift my body with energy
In
Needs less air
Out
To believe that things will get better
In
Needs more
Out
Maybe I should let Him
In
breathe for me
Out
In
Pause
Out
In
Heartbeat
Out
Another thought
In
Out
Emptiness
Can't keep
In
Going like this
Out
To lift my body with energy
In
Needs less air
Out
To believe that things will get better
In
Needs more
Out
Maybe I should let Him
In
breathe for me
Out
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
On Fierce Reality
Another day to look at reality
in its fiercest form
A devouring lion
A relentless hail that pounds
across my already bruised face.
Fresh, raw, and crazy
Sanity runs quicker than I
Cannot keep up
Cannot reach beyond my already outstretched fingers
to briefly at moments glance her strands
of hazy hair
Reality,
the strongest dream that I awoke from
If only I could control that phantom
which only appears in the darkness
to do my bidding
instead of depending upon it for my very life
Hope can disappoint
Dreams are by nature, fleeting
They roar and crave
Ever consuming and never satisfied
Mercilessness in it's cruelest form
like reality.
Oh let me be awake and this nightmare depart!
in its fiercest form
A devouring lion
A relentless hail that pounds
across my already bruised face.
Fresh, raw, and crazy
Sanity runs quicker than I
Cannot keep up
Cannot reach beyond my already outstretched fingers
to briefly at moments glance her strands
of hazy hair
Reality,
the strongest dream that I awoke from
If only I could control that phantom
which only appears in the darkness
to do my bidding
instead of depending upon it for my very life
Hope can disappoint
Dreams are by nature, fleeting
They roar and crave
Ever consuming and never satisfied
Mercilessness in it's cruelest form
like reality.
Oh let me be awake and this nightmare depart!
Thursday, May 11, 2017
Catching Up
Hello everyone out there who is reading this blog. It's been a while and I wanted to thank you for following me. It has been a few years since I last wrote anything, but I don't want this blog just to die and be dependent on Google searches to be unearthed. Therefore, I'm changing the role of this site to becoming somewhat of a temporary diary. I am not really a wonderful writer or communicator, and as much as I enjoyed writing this blog, I have run out of steam writing about the Bible.
Don't get me wrong! I still love Jesus! I just have much to say, many stories to tell, and a lot of free time this summer, so I am going to attempt to chronicle my days as they happen (with no daily commitment) from here on out. Not just, "this happened, this happened", but honest-to-God thoughts that I have had about life.
Today, I saw a movie called "Hello, my name is Doris" which is about a woman in her 60's or later that crushes on a 20-something man at work. It's quite awkward to watch and I do not recommend it, but it gave me some food for thought. It made me think about how long I am going to be "young". Do you ever think about that? Do you ever wonder when you're going to start getting wrinkles and start being overlooked by the world? Or do you think about what is it like to be old and forgotten and alone?
Proverbs 31 talks about beauty and how foolish it is to get caught up in it. It says, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." I feel like that is easy to say, but difficult to apply. After I thought about this verse, I stared in the mirror and wondered what my face would look like 50 years from now. I looked at my youthful cheeks and neck, rosy from walking around the house, and pinched them as if to make sure that they were there to stay. Youth feels so permanent, yet I know I'm just like a flower blooming in the springtime, naive to the winter in store. The cold is coming...
And then Ecclesiastes 12:1 says, "Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, "I find no pleasure in them." Isn't that dark? I wonder if I am in "the days of my youth" or the "days of trouble." It certainly already feels like I'm in my days of trouble, but perhaps there's more in store.
I don't know what the purpose of this blog is for, or what exactly I'm going for right now. It's rather mirroring my life to be honest. My purpose seems hazier than it did 10 years ago, a trend that I am hoping to discontinue. Do you ever feel like your mission is lost? Like somehow in the waiting room of life, you were forgotten? What do you do in those times to find it again? I feel like I have no mission. Every day that slips through my fingers seems to be dripping with regret and my heart burns with a desire to find direction.
Perhaps I'm afraid to make a wrong choice; to choose a path that leads to a place that I cannot leave. I'm realizing more and more that the choices we make day-to-day alter our life course significantly. The direction that I decide on is going to lead to specific opportunities that I may not have had otherwise. It could also limit me and lead me down a dark path.
So those are my thoughts for today.
Don't get me wrong! I still love Jesus! I just have much to say, many stories to tell, and a lot of free time this summer, so I am going to attempt to chronicle my days as they happen (with no daily commitment) from here on out. Not just, "this happened, this happened", but honest-to-God thoughts that I have had about life.
Today, I saw a movie called "Hello, my name is Doris" which is about a woman in her 60's or later that crushes on a 20-something man at work. It's quite awkward to watch and I do not recommend it, but it gave me some food for thought. It made me think about how long I am going to be "young". Do you ever think about that? Do you ever wonder when you're going to start getting wrinkles and start being overlooked by the world? Or do you think about what is it like to be old and forgotten and alone?
Proverbs 31 talks about beauty and how foolish it is to get caught up in it. It says, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." I feel like that is easy to say, but difficult to apply. After I thought about this verse, I stared in the mirror and wondered what my face would look like 50 years from now. I looked at my youthful cheeks and neck, rosy from walking around the house, and pinched them as if to make sure that they were there to stay. Youth feels so permanent, yet I know I'm just like a flower blooming in the springtime, naive to the winter in store. The cold is coming...
And then Ecclesiastes 12:1 says, "Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, "I find no pleasure in them." Isn't that dark? I wonder if I am in "the days of my youth" or the "days of trouble." It certainly already feels like I'm in my days of trouble, but perhaps there's more in store.
I don't know what the purpose of this blog is for, or what exactly I'm going for right now. It's rather mirroring my life to be honest. My purpose seems hazier than it did 10 years ago, a trend that I am hoping to discontinue. Do you ever feel like your mission is lost? Like somehow in the waiting room of life, you were forgotten? What do you do in those times to find it again? I feel like I have no mission. Every day that slips through my fingers seems to be dripping with regret and my heart burns with a desire to find direction.
Perhaps I'm afraid to make a wrong choice; to choose a path that leads to a place that I cannot leave. I'm realizing more and more that the choices we make day-to-day alter our life course significantly. The direction that I decide on is going to lead to specific opportunities that I may not have had otherwise. It could also limit me and lead me down a dark path.
So those are my thoughts for today.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Who is Jesus?
Who do you think Jesus is?
Have you ever wondered?
What made you stop wondering and be satisfied with your answer?
I have to admit: Jesus' identity has been a question that I have always tried to answer, but yet, for some reason I can never fully do it justice. I know that you yourself are going to have a unique view of Him. This is why it is going to be difficult to answer the question. I recognize, that although Jesus is not a changing being, and that He is the same as he was 2000+ years ago, our view of Him is dynamic.
To me, Jesus is a bit like a flower, surrounded by every person. Some are closer to the flower than others, and everyone has a different view from where they are standing. Some are seeing the flower from behind, and others from the side. Some are standing behind other people and can't get a good look at it. The flower has not changed, but since we are not able to see it from all the multiple angles, we have to infer what is not visible to our eyes.
I know this seems weird, but I truly believe that Jesus has already shown you a little bit of Himself. I don't mean that I think you are Christian. You might be a Buddhist, an Agnostic, a Muslim, or a follower of another way. Whatever you believe (and I hope I do not offend anyone), I think that you've already seen a part of Jesus. Whether its in a smile from a stranger, an unexpected gift, or someone forgiving you who shouldn't; you have seen a part of Him.
I hope my words do not hurt you, or that you are not assuming that I could not possibly know what I am talking about. I think that no matter what I say, if you decide in your heart that you do not agree with me, you will not hear what I'm saying. My words will seem rotten to you. That is completely okay, and I want you to know that I respect you.
Also, I should say that you could be right in thinking I am wrong. This is only a blog after all.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Who I am
There are some things about me that you should know before I start writing more. This is a pretty random list, but they are attributes that I consider important.
I am a person. I am a human; no greater than any other human that has breathed this chemically diverse air. I am in my thirties, but don't let my age fool you into thinking I can't relate. Age really has very little to do with it.
I am trying to follow Jesus Christ (God's Son) and am constantly learning what my purpose is for being here.
I am an original person who has been through a unique set of circumstances. No one who reads this will ever be able to duplicate my past, so I guess you and I have that in common.
I am married to a man who believes in the same things that I do.
I am afraid of stinging insects, needles, going to the doctor/dentist, evil things, and dying.
I want everyone to know God and connect with Him, but am secretly afraid to share my faith.
- - - - -
I could keep going, but you will get to know me better as time goes on. I will try to be as real as possible with you, because I want you to understand who God is, without me getting in the way of that. I think God uses our weaknesses (in addition to our strengths), to teach people about Himself, so you will probably see plenty of imperfections in me. Know that this is not a reflection of God, but rather a reflection of my humanity.
I am a person. I am a human; no greater than any other human that has breathed this chemically diverse air. I am in my thirties, but don't let my age fool you into thinking I can't relate. Age really has very little to do with it.
I am trying to follow Jesus Christ (God's Son) and am constantly learning what my purpose is for being here.
I am an original person who has been through a unique set of circumstances. No one who reads this will ever be able to duplicate my past, so I guess you and I have that in common.
I am married to a man who believes in the same things that I do.
I am afraid of stinging insects, needles, going to the doctor/dentist, evil things, and dying.
I want everyone to know God and connect with Him, but am secretly afraid to share my faith.
- - - - -
I could keep going, but you will get to know me better as time goes on. I will try to be as real as possible with you, because I want you to understand who God is, without me getting in the way of that. I think God uses our weaknesses (in addition to our strengths), to teach people about Himself, so you will probably see plenty of imperfections in me. Know that this is not a reflection of God, but rather a reflection of my humanity.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Blog's Name
Since you are probably wondering why I chose this blog's name, I will tell you. I admit that I may have some goals for this blog. The name is called "The Odd Christian" because this site is about being different than what most people would call a "Christian." It is meant to open your mind towards all kinds of stereotypes that people have about Christians and things real Christians have done. I will not glorify Christians (as they are none other than sinners, who have been redeemed), but try to solely glorify the God we worship.
Before I go any further, I should ask a question.
When you think of "Christians," what do you think of?
Is it a beautiful picture, with people rejoicing together to sing praises to Jesus, playing fluttering melodies and harmonies that echo with exuberance?
Is it a group of people that speak the truth all the time with love seeping from them, where they cannot help but care?
OR....
Is it ugly?
Is it a bunch of ignorant naive people who don't know what they are talking about?
Is it a lot of sexually charged virgins who don't have anything to do but get married and have kids?
Is it a hypocritical mass of leadership where the only thing that matters is power?
All these views are ones I guarantee people have expressed to me. Many have told me, whether having a good view or a negative one, that I am an odd Christian. Whether you were born in a Christian family, or an atheist one, I am writing this blog for you. I hope that when you read it, you will better know who I believe in and why. I also hope that in the end, you will realize that odd is the norm with Jesus.
Before I go any further, I should ask a question.
When you think of "Christians," what do you think of?
Is it a beautiful picture, with people rejoicing together to sing praises to Jesus, playing fluttering melodies and harmonies that echo with exuberance?
Is it a group of people that speak the truth all the time with love seeping from them, where they cannot help but care?
OR....
Is it ugly?
Is it a bunch of ignorant naive people who don't know what they are talking about?
Is it a lot of sexually charged virgins who don't have anything to do but get married and have kids?
Is it a hypocritical mass of leadership where the only thing that matters is power?
All these views are ones I guarantee people have expressed to me. Many have told me, whether having a good view or a negative one, that I am an odd Christian. Whether you were born in a Christian family, or an atheist one, I am writing this blog for you. I hope that when you read it, you will better know who I believe in and why. I also hope that in the end, you will realize that odd is the norm with Jesus.
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