I relapsed again
Into my comforting sadness
Because only tears can soothe the pain
And it took away my evening
With my children
I attended to my sadness instead of my children
Because it felt relieving
To acknowledge the painful past
And I relapsed again
Into my wonderland hole
Where anything is possible
Where anything is not possible
Where the rabbit tells me I'm late
And all of the miracles and terrifying phantoms reappear
And I can't seem to find reality
It would be so easy to wake up
And never see earths light
I want to be punished for my sins
I want to see myself get what I deserve
Because I feel like I'm failing again
And it can't be right
I know she's angry and
I
Don't know what to do
I pinned her and they hurt her
I cried and she comforted me
I was the baby and she was my mother
And I hate myself for it
Maybe my attachment is too broken to do her good
Maybe I'll keep ripping out her heart
String by string
And leave the bandages behind this time
For once I just want to cry
But it's not safe.
I just want to stop being robbed
By demons that no one can see
The cruel gremlins steal me away from my children
And they want me to notice them
My sadness overwhelms me
How much longer in this pain
Has my brain changed forever?
